Is It Me or Is This Normal?

Self-reflecting. That's what I've discovered to find very useful since I was little. It helps you to get matured and wise in a short time, as long as you keep your mind opened.

So recently (about 3 minutes ago) I just discovered something about myself.

I was going through the twitter timeline when I stumbled upon a tweet made by my senior. He's just recently got into a relationship, I think, and he was tweeting about his girlfriend, that she's sick and still recovering. That he worries about her and he prays to Allah that she will be feel better soon.

Alright, for most girls they might find it very sweet and romantic. But to me, I feel the otherwise.

I don't know why, but I find it repulsive when a guy gets all mushy, after they've just got into a relationship. When they're all, clingy and want to know what you're doing every second of the day, or when you get sick and they make this baby voice to show how sympathizing they feel about your misfortune. Even when they make you feel like you're the only girl they see, or the only girl in the world, you're all they ever talk about. It gets me squirm. Seriously.

I don't know..I find these actions to be very unattractive and unmanly. Very repulsive, to be honest.

I like having the same person to be with everyday, but only if I choose to be with that person. I mean, I've gone out with my besties, and talk to them on Whatsapp almost everyday. But friends are different, we don't talk mushy stuff, I mean not like real mushy stuff, we show affection but mostly with a hint of sarcasm or jokes. But with a partner, it's different. It's like you're bound to say mushy stuff and mean it because you are "in love". To me, first few months should still be treated as if you two are just really good friends. Unless if you've already known each other for a very long time, but still. Keep it naturally mysterious and fun, don't give your all in a blink of an eye.

I love having to still figure out who that person is myself, I wanna get to know them based on what I've been digging. It's more meaningful that way because you are truly getting to know this person and really starting to find the shape of their character, their uniqueness. Also, in that period of time getting to know them, you will see what part of them that fits you and what makes him even more amusing. The things that only you know because you've gained their trust to show their true colour little by little. And you find out that all on your own, not because he just gives it and put them all on the table because you're his girlfriend. That's not fun, not adventurous. It's boring and I get bored easily.

Even if he doesn't give out all on the table, they just look really unmanly when they act that way. I know he only wants to show some love. But that's way too much love for two weeks relationship for me. Don't be a jerk who treats his girlfriend like a hoe, but don't be that guy who can't control his emotions and clings to his girlfriend as if she's his only life source.

Give SPACES, it is fake to be really really really in love when you've only known each other for a very short time. In the end relationship still needs some spice of quarrel and arguments. That's what it is about. Getting to know each other in time and still be amused with each other in every way, for a very long time.

I'm just that type who love a guy who keeps it mysterious, who doesn't show his true feelings out loud but shows it in the little things he does for me, the discreet things that only I could feel and only he knows how to make me feel it. I find that to be very attractive. Be a guy, not a clingy or a jerk.

This.

Am I mad enough to be sane?

You know when people say, "At least you've tried." Damn well, I tried.

It doesn't hurt anymore.. if it matters.

I tried..to move on you know. I thought I was close to love again. I thought I was able to fall for someone again. I did, actually, I did. I fell for this guy in my class..

I thought it was different this time, that he might just be the one to help me get out of your world. You see, because I always compare every guy I met with you. Every single damn time, I'd search for you in every guy I meet. None of them made me want to get to know them any better, cause none of them were you. But this guy, I didn't even notice you pass by my mind whenever he's near. He was who he is to me, and I like him. He was him to my eyes and not you. So I fell for him...or so I thought.

One night of him showing his true face, him admitting how little he cares of me..was enough to make me forget about my feelings for him.
And you know what, I wouldn't be too happy to hear myself saying this..

But if truth be told, my love, the only reason I'm still willing to go through this pain is because it is you. 5 years of hope, my love, and I would not have done it for anyone else but you.

Some would say I'm crazy. But they don't know me. I've loved and wanted you, your perfections and your flaws, all of you. I fell deep and hard.. And maybe, just maybe, the only way to forget you is to be diagnosed with amnesia.