December 12, 2010

It Felt So Real.

I had a dream last night. It was all messed up. That's how almost all of my dreams are. Messed up. They mashes everything together, places, people, informations. Mostly places. There was once i dreamt school was right in front of my house. Creepy.

About that dream, there were essences of Harry Potter, Queen of England's family reunion, Katy Perry and so much more. It sounds weird, I know, that's why it's called dream and not reality.
The  most realistic moment I had in that dream that I can't quite get my mind off of it was when the principal brought me somewhere to talk and he wanted to change my seat because he knows I hate seating beside this one girl who just can't get her eyes off the all the princes. He then proceeded by saying I could have one person I know to be seated next to me. I knew who I wanted that person to be but before I could say his name the principal pointed to the picture. I was so excited when I see his face on the screen. As I turned around there he was standing with his broad shoulder and an undeniably familiar smile carved beautifully on his face. I rushed to his way and fling my arms wide open only to wrap it around him tightly. We didn't say a word, just the warmth of our bodies flows between us keeping each other warm. It's the feeling of being secured in your loved one's arms, feeling of being loved. It's so beautiful. I never wanted it to end.
I remember how strong it was, how secured and safe I felt in his arms. I grip on his jacket and just pulling him in even more. It just felt so real..

I know now, that's what I've been craving for. It's been so empty until it came to me. Eventhough it was just a dream, that moment gave me enough joy from the experience of just knowing how it feels like to be loved by someone, that moment is enough to spark a new hope in my life. A new kind of smile to start a new life.

SPM is OVER..well, almost.

I still have one last paper this Wednesday. All 9 subjects are done, the one left is EST.

Revising back on what I had gone through this past few months..
First of all, I felt like I'd better off dead. In my case, suicide would be a sin. Sleeping however is the closest I can get to being as peaceful as being dead. Almost all the time I wished I could sleep and never wake up again. Curiosity adds to this guilty pleasure of mine when I wondered what would it be if I'm gone.
One can only wonder so much..

I tried putting back all the pieces together, I had to. What do I have left anyway?
Searching for even the tiniest piece of happiness and joy to my life that made me the way I am and helped me get through this life. I did it. I think. Almost.

So school is over. Finally. No more highschool, no more drama, no more dealing or meeting with hypocrites. Not really, I mean these stuffs don't just disappear from your life after highschool. There're many things worst out there and I can only hope I can survive them alone.