December 29, 2009

Besties, Last Song.

I was reading through my older posts and i can see that it's been a while i haven't post anything about you anymore. I guess im good now.
Reading back my last post for you (title 'And you left me hanging'), i think it's my last word. I wouldn't change a word in it.
I dont prefer putting the word 'bestie' in any of the posts. But it seems like the only way to get you to read it.
Dont get me wrong.
Anyhow, all i want to say is, if you're worried about me posting another tale about us, dont. I dont think i will anymore. So dont worry and just live your life.

December 28, 2009

Instant Post

Computer burnt by lightning again. Posting from my phone. Testing 1,2,3. Sigh*

Had that same dream again, God! What am i suppose to do to make it stop. i came up with a theory though, i think all this freaky dreams im having represent the past not the future. I hope its not. Dont know what i'd do if i face it. Urgh
In other words, i think im being hunted by my past. Gosh, never thought i'd say that.
Its midnight already and i have eye appointment in the morning. Great, another flaw.
Night all :)

December 25, 2009

Polaroid is Fun

This video, entitled My Favourite Things, is about a young girl who takes polaroid photographs of her favourite things and keeps them safe in a little container, which is soon discovered by a young boy who is fascinated with her, it’s so beautiful and truly brilliant.
Reblogged from nikilynn

Two Matters

First, when you really care about someone you unconciously trying to prove that to them. But i heard this saying, "When caring hurts, i tend to stop". I know that sounds selfish & it is but my excuse is, why keep trying when they dont even care. So i guess that's why i cherish those who proved to me as much as i've proven to them.

Secondly, its flattering but then again it's awkward for me when someone praise my look. my reason, i have flaws. Flaws that i wouldn't tell anyone (everyone have flaws), but when you say i look pretty directly to my face i feel like you dont even know what you're saying. its like a joke to me for a second there. but i accept it anyway, what kind of girl wouldn't appreciate a compliment.
The thing is, im not the kind of girl who look at the mirror everyday & say, "Darling, you're the fairest of them all" (excuse me while i go vomit) HAHA! and so when someone praises my look i get blur for a second, its weird, cause i dont even say that to myself.

P.S: the teacher i admire so much suddenly asked why is it that girls go blur & blink their eyes when someone say they look pretty? I figured he asked cause i did that when he praised the way i look the other day. haha. That's why im straightening this matter now.

December 24, 2009

I have tears in my eyes

Best of today. My life is Average.

Last night, my dream catcher broke. Then, I had a nightmare in which I married Miley Cyrus.

Last night my friends and I went to see New Moon. It was pretty quite in the theater until Jacob took his shirt off. Behind me I heard someone say, "Ohhh lordy, look at that," I turned around and saw 2 grandma's practically drooling. I was about to say something, but someone beat me too it. "He's seventeen you pedofile!" I looked around to see who said that. It was my science teacher.

Today, I, trying to be cute, told my boyfriend he was priceless. His response? "Actually, the human body, elemently speaking, goes for approximately $14.52, so i would be around there. You on the other hand are priceless :)". Nerd love. He's a keeper.

Today, my boyfriend & I were fooling around with Mystery Google. To be funny, he put in "My penis" & ended up getting the result "Your search is too short." I'm still laughing about it.

Today, while driving, my GPS somehow got set to a British man. When I made a sharp left turn, my GPS man shouted "WEEE!" in British accent. I now make many more sharp turns, just to hear this.

Yesterday, my dad and I finally got the time to go watch New Moon together. We seemed to be the only two guys in the theater that went there willingly, and at the very end of the movie, one girl screams "Team Edward!" and a group of girls somewhere else scream "Team Jacob!" back at her. This happens a couple more times with more girls getting more excited each time, until my dad jumps up and screams "Team Bella!". All the guys in the theater cheered.

Today, I realized that if I leave my fridge open long enough it makes a sound that sounds like our fire alarm is going off, I don't know which is funnier, my 16 year old macho brother screaming like a girl, or my dad running outside in his underwear.

French Fries

I finally learned how to do french braid! haha

December 23, 2009

Can I Have This Dance

Girl, you're smiling aren't you?

Im not a fan of Leonardo Dicaprio really. Love the movie but not my all-time favorite.
I love the gesture in this picture.

December 20, 2009

Beatboxing Chocolate

Today, i went to a friend's birthday party at Studio Cafe near my neighbourhood. It was nice, the food was great (ofcourse. that was my breakfast. I was starving!) and there were many boys than girls. As always, a party wouldn't be complete without games. We had Guessing the Weight' game and 'Chocolate' won. hahah

'Chocolate' is a nickname i gave to a boy. He's simply ordinary 'laid back' kind of person yet interesting. I dont have a crush on him, no. He just seems interesting and beside, i only pretend to like him in front of my friends so they wouldn't think im boring not having any crush to talk about. haha

After that the birthday boy started calling us to sing on stage. My good ol' friend we called 'Chef' sang Hotel California (i sang along in the chorus) then surprisingly 'Chocolate' and the birthday boy went on stage and they sang a rock n' roll song or sumthing (idontknow). The birthday boy sang but 'Chocolate' did the guitar & drums sound since there was no music. LOL. He made me laugh, it was cute. haha

But in the middle of all that my bestfriend told me something that reminded me. She told me that a good friend of mine asked her out with few of his friends which i also know who they are but when my bestfriend asked him if he invited me, he changed the subject. bohoo. haha
The thing is, i forgot that you can never trust anyone no matter how good they are to you, really. In the end of the day, the only person you can depend on is you. I know you cant see the connection between this 'reminder' and the news i got. But really, i've been through this situation for all my life. Being left out again, again, aaand again seems like just another day for me.

Funny thing was he just messaged me right on time i was writing this asking me out. LOL
Too bad im not taking this back. Sorry.
Thanks for reminding me though. Have a good day :)

December 19, 2009

I Met Joker Today

I hope this will cheer you up cause it sure made me LOL.

A tourist couple driving through La Jolla start arguing about how to pronounce the name of the town. So they stop for lunch, and while they're ordering, they ask the cashier, "Can you tell us where we are? How do you pronounce it?" The employee replies, speaking slowly, "Burrrr-gerrrrr Kiiiiiiiing."

An old married couple had four boys. The older three had red hair and light skin, the youngest had black hair and dark eyes. On his deathbed, the father turned to his wife and said, "Honey, be honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything holy, he is your son." Then he passed away. The wife then said, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

A cruise ship passes a small desert island. Everyone watches as a ratty-looking bearded man runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.
"Who's that?" asks one of the passengers.
"I have no idea," replies the captain. "But every year we sail past and he goes nuts."

A guy walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doctor asks, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, get this guy off my ass."

One day a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sister." Santa Claus wrote him back, "Okay, send me your mother."

After dinner, two elderly women retire to the kitchen and leave their husbands to chat. One of the men says, "Last night we went out to a great new restaurant." The other asks, "What's it called?" The first man knits his brow in concentration and finally says, "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?" His friend replies, "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the first man says. "The poppy?" wonders his friend. "No," growls the man. "You know, the one with thorns!" "Do you mean a rose?" asks the other man. "Yes, that's it!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

A man's talking to his friend and he says, "I'm about to go on vacation, and I don't know what to do." His buddy asks, "Why?" And the man says, "Well, last year's vacation was Hawaii. Came back, and the wife was pregnant. The year before that was the Bahamas. Came back, the wife was pregnant. The year before that, Paris. Came back, wife pregnant. His buddy asks, "So what are you going to do differently this year?" And the guy says, "Well, this year I'm going to bring the wife."

A blond goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is this TV?" The salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blonds." So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette. "How much is this TV?" she asks. Again the salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blonds." A few weeks later she goes in as a redhead, but again he announces, "We don't sell to blonds!" Finally she says, "My hair is red. How did you know I was really a blond?" The salesman says, "Because it's not a TV. It's a microwave."

One night, on a camping trip, Sherlock Holmes wakes up Watson and says, "Look at the stars. What do you deduce?" Watson thinks for a minute and says, "Well, I see millions of stars, many of which resemble our sun, which most likely have their own planets, which most likely have life-forms like us, so I deduce that there is life on other planets." And Sherlock says, "No, you idiot, someone's stolen our tent."

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you're bad luck. Get the f* away from me."

A man sits alone on the couch with his soon-to-be mother-in-law and the family dog. The man is so nervous that his stomach begins to hurt and — "Pfft!" — he accidentally lets out a little gas. He's horrified until the mother-in-law yells, "Rocco!" And the man thinks, She thinks it's the dog! So he lets another one rip, and the mother-in-law yells, "Rocco!" again. Feeling confident now, the man lets out a really loud, big, fat, wet one — "PFFFFFFT!" And she yells, "Rocco! Come here before that pervert shits on you, too!"

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents — two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer. "Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
"You can't be serious," the man says. "I could never shoot my wife."
"Then you're not the right man for the job," says the interviewer.
The second man is given the same instructions. Five minutes later, he emerges with tears in his eyes and says, "I can't."
Finally, the woman is given the test, but with her husband. She takes the gun and enters the room. Shots are heard, then screaming, crashing, and banging. After a few minutes, she comes out and wipes the sweat from her brow. "You didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks," she says. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

December 18, 2009

Tiny Thoughts

"I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it."

Come On Barbie, Lets Go Party!

Yesterday i realized I've posted some emotional stuffs lately. its so boring (even i say so). haha
From now on i'll add few things i copy from my current favourite website. Its where people around the world shares story about the average moment of their life. First look and i love it instantly. It made my day :)

My life is average:
"In the summer, my friends and I went to Greece. One day, we called a taxi, to go to a different part of town and Barbie Girl by Aqua came on the radio. The driver turned it up full blast turned, singing the part of Ken. Instantly, we joined in simultaneously singing Barbie's lines. For the rest of the holiday we called him whenever we needed a taxi and he accepted, as long as we sang along with him for the journey. It made our holiday, and he didn't charge once."

December 17, 2009

Private Paradise

I have this one imaginary place i created when i was little & i always dream to go there if that such place does exist. Everytime i listen to classical music it calms me down and then i let my mind flies to that special private paradise of mine. It'd be a dream come true if one day i find myself standing there in reality and not just another imagination in my head while im at peace.

In order to realize that dream, i added a goal in my list. That is to have my own vacation house in Lake District, United Kingdom. It fits perfectly with what i imagined.

December 16, 2009

Secret Recipe

you gotta admit, its true.
Earth wouldn't be facing global warming & extinctions if it weren't for us.

This Is Why I Love Art

I found this from someone's Tumblr & oh, how i love her words. She defined how i look at the beauty of life.

"my friends, or people in general, always give me weird looks when they see me admiring the little drops of water on each blade of grass, the condensation jewels on frizzy hair, spilling a water bottle just to watch the water move, sun, watching hair blow in the wind, or a simple cup of steaming tea/hot chocolate.

photography makes you notice those little beautiful things in life you overlooked before. (it also gives you the damn i wish i had my camera moment, or maybe just me) to appreciate life and earth’s beauty more."

I smile to those who can put words that really shows my certain feelings,thoughts & ideas when no one understands it.

Instant quote:
"It's funny how a stranger can put into words exactly how you feel, while the people around you dont know shit."

The Perfect Reason

Teach me how to stop.

Spread The Love

I love author Nicholas Sparks since i first saw the movie A Walk To Remember (my all time favourite movie), at the same time i found song Guardian Angel by The RedJumpsuit Apparatus (also my must have song in every playlist).

I've only seen 2 of his movies which the other one is The Notebook (love it!) and read only 1 of his books. Since i saw Dear John and The Last Song movie trailers it got me craving for more. I think i'll dig in more in his works & those movies. Probably not all his books, but i sure want to catch all the movies. Cant wait for Dear John! ♥ Channing. drools*


Silence is the loudest cry, that's why music is my lullaby.

December 15, 2009

Sudden Fear

"And sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere, all of a sudden this overwhelming sadness rushes over me. And I get discouraged and I get upset and I feel hopeless, sad, and hurt. And once again, I feel numb to the world."


I dont have Tumblr (would love to do one but probably wont) but i love the sayings cause it shows exactly how i feel in Blogger.

December 14, 2009

Puffy Blue Sky

I was away for 2 days. Family vacation to the Palace of the Golden Horses except this time when i say 'family' its doesnt include my siblings cause they had work to do. So there were only me & my parents. We booked 2 rooms but it turned out that both rooms aren't joint. They hesitated at first to let me sleep alone in a room but in the end they gave in as i insisted. hahah
It was quite a feeling i must say. I've never experienced sleeping on my own at such foreign place. I cant even persuade my parents to sleepover at my friend's.
The rest of the day was absolutely relaxing & cozy. In the evening we swam in the pool, i tried to practice my swimming then i enjoyed myself floating in water like a dead fish watching the baby blue sky with puffy clouds get blown away by the chilly winds. It felt like flying (sort of) all you have to do is take a deep breath then hold it, relax all your muscles like when you're lying on the bed, no pressure. At night, my brother & i had dinner at the Carousel before he leaves. The hotel was very crowded with so many people coming since there were lots of function going on that day. As the day came to an end we all went to bed.

Crueles Intenciones

Cruel Intentions (1999), i found out about this movie when i did a quiz on Facebook about movie related to my life, something like that. And the result came out to be this movie.
It surprised me cause i've never heard of it before & certainly caught my attention.
So i did get my hands on the, i just finished watching it aand (laughing) it's sick.
There's  'The Womanizer', 'The Bitch' & 'The Angel'.

Haa, i dont know why..i want to comment it but i cant think of any word to describe it without laughing which is really weird because the ending was a tragedy.
Umm, well i can tell you this, its pretty dirty minded movie. Shows much about the game of seduction, manipulation & betrayal. The Womanizer is the kind that makes you feel like you want to strangle him but at the same time you find it very hard to ignore his charms. The Bitch on the other hand is the real manipulative devil in the movie. While The Innocent is a virgin who wants to wait until she finds true love which makes her a great challenge for The Womanizer.
I gotta say, he's goood. I find that i love his voice, probably what i called a musical voice (Edward!). haha

Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe) are step-siblings living in Manhattan. With their absent parents travelling in Europe, the wealthy pair have the family penthouse to themselves as they while away their summer break before beginning senior year at a private high school. Sebastian, bad-boy lothario, has apparently slept with all the girls in town and appears numb to it all. Kathryn, who appears to be the good girl class president, is actually far more amoral and malicious than Sebastian, but maintains appearances to the contrary. When she is dumped by her boyfriend, Court Reynolds, for the innocent Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair), she schemes revenge by destroying Cecile's reputation. She challenges Sebastian to deflower Cecile and transform her into a tramp to humiliate Court. Sebastian isn't as interested as Cecile presents no challenge. The girl who has caught his attention is Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon), the new headmaster's daughter. Annette had written an article for Seventeen Magazine on her plans to stay a virgin until she finds her one true love. Kathryn makes a wager. If Sebastian fails to lure Annette into bed before the summer is over, Kathryn gets his car. If he succeeds, Sebastian gets Kathryn, whom he wants anyway. Sebastian accepts the bet, but Annette turns out to be more than either of them bargained for. It started as a bet, then love started to bloom, came more conflicts which brought everything to tragedy. Finally ended with justice.

What i like about this movie is the fact that the two main characters (Ryan & Reese) were really together off screen & got married that year. Too bad they split after 7 years of marriage with 2 children. Still love them though.

December 12, 2009

And you left me hanging

P.S: Long reading. Not willing to read? Suit yourself.

"You're so typical", it's weird that it tickles me abit as it plays continuously in my head.

Right or Wrong, does it matter if i correct it anyway?
Cause i know mine is not excellently correct 100%

True, true, true, and true.
Wait, you forgot to list a few more.
It was my choice to write you those letters in hoping that something could've been done before its too late.
It was my choice to look back when i could've just walk straight & fade in distance.
It was my choice to still care about your well-being when i could've just say "Whatever".
It was my choice to give your birthday present eventhough my devil side said, "Just forget it".
It was my choice to called you when i could've just left you clueless.
It was my choice to let out the reasons so that at least you know why & wouldnt blame me flatly.
It was my choice not to let that last midnight conversation on the line ended with more unsettled questions.
It was my choice to come up with the only solution i thought was best for us.
It was my choice to asked you first if you're okay with that.
It was my choice to called you back after the line disconnected before you could say the answer.
It was my choice to dialed your number again when the first trial disconnected halfway through your caller ringtone.
It was my choice to put down the phone & just let it flow after the second trial disconnected, again.

But it was your choice, to left me, hanging there, on the line, without an answer or conclusion, twice, in one night. *breathe
If i've chosen to stop talking, would i called you? If i've chosen to stop caring, would i even writing this now? If i've chosen to move on, tell me dear, why am i still waiting for your unanswered answer?

You know why i said this is just exactly the same when it was with Z?
Im too soft. too many reasons i keep telling myself so that i can give you another chance, then another, another and another.
I told you, i'll corrupt.
When every single chance i gave fail miserably, its like watching every piece of hope or spirit that i've given away breaks into pieces.
It makes me weak & i hate being weak.
Who picked up every pieces? Who merged all back together?
Who stopped the bleeding, treated the cuts & bruises? Who should've been protecting it?
Me, myself & I.

I think i've said & written it all.
In the 'Letters' under October posts,
'Overloading Thoughts' & 'What Are We Doing?' somewhere in November,
recently in December, 'Just for you, Bestie' & this.

Im tired, so tired.

Nothing can change the past. We can only make this present better. So we dont have to face the future with more regrets.
Im not asking either of us to change the way we act. Im not asking for apologies.
Im not making any decision myself, hell, i never even say its over or done.
So im ending this post informing that for now, all im looking for is for both to understand the story here & not missing any details. Cause i sense you've missed a couple.


What is the theme song of ur life? on Facebook

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

The I-Live-Life-To-The-Fullest-And-I-Am-HAPPY type! You live life to the max, and you live each day like its your last. You forget the rules and just go for it, and want to experience it all before it all disappears... Your life is a book... and your writing it! Love it..., make it, work it, and shape it... you make it what YOU want! Don't forget a happy ending though!

P.S: So true. happy ending? i dont mind some surprises in life. Like i always say, i'll go with the flow.

December 10, 2009

Just For You, Bestie.

To, 'you-know-who-you-are'
you remind me a lot about that pain i got as a gift from Z.
The one i injected pain killer to make it numb.
yeah, you do. Its one of the reason i have to stop caring about you.
Hard & harsh, but i have to or i'll corrupt.

I see you gain your smile back, with little help from your family & friends.
But i also see you easily forgetting me little by little.
I dont blame you, we both got hurt.
I admit, its not easy to not care anymore.
Its not easy to endure the pain as well.

What is this game we're playing?
What kind of idiot invented it? Its like we're bound to play in it.
you gave me pain, I reached my limit & make a move,
you tend not to care, and so i go with the flow.
Is this the end? but who won? and what's the prize?

Come close, i want to tell you a little secret.
I still care, still follow what you wrote in your domain.
But it doesn't feel right. Just like when i still care to see Z's little update in his page.
what did i do to make it feel right? i stop caring instantly.
Erased everything that link to him & i never search for his page again.
Should i do that to you?
Do i have to cancel your name in every list to make me determine in this 'not caring' attitude that you're so good at. maybe.
Something tells me that you'll cancel my name first by the second you read this. (if, you are reading this)

Wow, jealousy is a strong word to describe that feeling when i see you with your BFFs in that picture on that special day.
Im not in it of course. The worst part is that it seems like you dont even care im not there.
Again, i dont blame you.
In fact, i think of it as a good thing. I truly care for you so much that im glad you're happy without me & that you're in good hands.
For that, i accept my decision letting you go.

Congratulation Sir

What is this weird feeling im having?
My heart beats fast as im taking every breath carefully.

"Congratulation" came with a smile as you turned to face me when i called you.

When i first doubted you, you proved me wrong.
When i hated it, you pushed me till i fall in love with it & now it became one of my priority.
When i said your species are jerks, you agreed & even admitted yourself a jerk too. hahah
When i come to class with bad mood, i go home with not only a great lesson but also memories of you turn my frown upside down.

When i thought there's no hope at all, you became the reason for me to believe otherwise.
When i said to my friend there's only 2 person i could fall for in this world & one of them is you, i meant it.


Maybe that's why i feel like this.
Feels like an effect from a punch on the stomach, after you announced the big news.
A million thoughts burst out in mind when you called for a chat with that same crooked smile on your face.
Never have i expected you'd mention about you meeting with her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. Added with a little cute tale of your difficulties when she rejected you at first & oh, that magic line you said that made her changed her mind.

There were laughter & surprises in their voice as they're listening intensely.
I tried to pull it off but i couldnt help myself from guessing what's that feeling i had.
It wasnt heartbroken or depression. Cant quite understand it. All i know now, that i dont love you. I admire you, truly.

I cant help noticing the happiness not only in your eyes but also on every smile you flashed at us. I was the first one to congrats you, and you know what? I meant that too. *smiling

December 7, 2009

Ice, I need ice.

yawwn* Been busy since 3rd Dec (not really), just getting used to night classes again. urrgh. From the moment your name is up on the list of SPM victims all you can do is say "Later" to entertainment & "Hello, books". sigh*

Recently, my dermatologist said me torturing my skin with scratches & bruises probably not because of the itchiness but maybe im just having a stressful time of my life. Duh! All i've been thinking is when the hell am i going to start studying when i dont even listen to myself every time it tells me to open a book. Oh, i sprained my ankle today (again), it hurts really bad but it can never stop me from getting my chocolate bar downstairs. haha

Moving on..what other things i've been doing? Lets see, there's not much to think about when you're in a boring mood with the same surroundings everyday. cyeah, all i do for now is listening to this song & sing it like its my own. Despite the speed in her singing i still love it for the lyric (eventho some lines i dont really get the meaning).

Baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted
We can do it real big, bigger than you ever done it
You'd be up on everything, other guys ain't never on it
I want this forever, I swear I can spend whatever on it

He hold me down every time I hit him up
When I get right I promise that we gonna live it up
He make me beg for it till he give it up
And I say the same thing every single time

I say baby you’re the best, baby you’re the best
Baby you’re the best, baby you’re the best
You’re the best I ever had, best I ever had
Best I ever had, best I ever had

I know you got a roommate, call me when it's no one there
Put the key under the mat, and you know I'll be over there
I'll be over there, baby, I'll be over there
I'll let you hit all the spots I didnt even know was there

And you dont even have to ask twice
You can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice
Always felt like you was so accustomed to the fast life
Have a girl that thinking that she met you in a past life

Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on
That's when you say I’m prettiest, You know I never take it wrong
You don't even trip when friends say you ain't bringin' me along
You know that I'm working, I'll be there soon as I make it home

And he’s a patient in my waiting room
Never pay attention to the rumors and what they assume
And until them guys prove it
I'm the one they never get confused with

'Cause baby, you my everything, you all I ever wanted
We can do it real big, bigger than you ever done it
You'd be up on everything, other guys ain't never on it
I want this forever, I swear I can spend whatever on it

'Best I Ever Had' cover by Lisa Scinta

December 6, 2009


Aww, he's sho cuute! x)

December 4, 2009

Midnight Wish

Looking at the watch now, its already 12 O'clock.

Happy 16th Birthday Nurul Batrisyia Syasya :)

Your Own You

The phrase 'every sky was your own kind of blue' often carves a smile on my face. Its a phrase cut out from the song Crazier by Taylor Swift.

I had no idea why i love it. I do but it's hard to put it in words.

So you ask people around you what colour is the sky today? All of them will plainly say, it's blue. Perhaps only one person would say its dark blue or baby blue.

Its the simplest & the little things that one person could see and make a stand for what he believes. That what makes him different from everyone, unique.

"i watched from a distance as you, made life your own
every sky was your own kind of blue
and i wanted to know how that would feel
and you made it so real
you showed me something that i couldnt see
you opened my eyes and made me believe." - Song 'Crazier'

Instant quote: 'You laugh because im different, I laugh because you're all the same.'

Freaky Fact

You know what, Z.
I think i just figured out what's the freakin reason why even if i stop saying your name i still cant dump you out of my life, my head, my sight, my music, my writings and even my freakin dreams!
Damn it. I cant let it go until you know that you've hurt me.
yeap, i need you to know that but then again what other option do i have? Its not like i'll ever see you again.

It Makes Me Smile

His fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, the room was filled with a composition so complex, so luxurious, that it was impossible to believe his eyes were blindfolded and only one set of hands played.

Photo by: Shel-Yang in DeviantArt
P.S: There's something about a blinded entertainer that interests me.

December 2, 2009

The Only Exception I'll Never Find

But darlin'
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

'the only exception' by Paramore

November 30, 2009

Cinta Baru?

LMAO! I found Twilight Saga: New Moon books translated in Malay when i went to Kinokuniya at KLCC today. On the bottom of the cover it printed 'Cinta Baru', i was like "what?!" with my face expression..couldnt even say a word.
Still laughing as im writing this. hahah!
oh god, i'll just skip it & move on. i dont even want to know who translated it.

*clear throat
I went to watch New Moon today with my friends at the cinema in KLCC. Honestly, i prefer Pavilion more because i like the ambiance there. More cozy, less fakers. *smiling
I'll just cut through..Thank You Chris Weitz! the meadow, the scene, the make-up, the idea..Everything! was truly very absolutely satisfying. it touched me when i see the meadow to be exactly like how i imagined. Chris oh Chris, your hard work really paid off. It made me smile, it touched me, it even made me cry. what more can i say to truly show how i appreciate your effort.

Scram all those bad critics or reviews. I think it was great. You tried your best to make exactly like how you, Stephenie & all true twilighters imagined when they read the book. It wasnt perfect for anybody because everyone has their own imaginations. I know you're not a psychic nor a mind-reader. So can all critics stop being so hypocrite & admit he's just human.
Just be grateful that at least there's someone to make your dream of seeing Twilight come to life actually come true. To Chris, I really hope you continue directing the next & next Twilight Saga.

P.S: if you hate it so much, make your own movie.

November 28, 2009

Baby, It's Fact.

Just got back from Melaka (my mom's hometown) after celebrating a day of Hari Raya Aidil Adha.
So in the car while we're heading back to Kuala Lumpur, i was listening to my music through the headphone. it was loud but i can barely hear the others laughing, chatting something about marriage and then suddenly when i heard my name, i responded with "huh?". When i took off the headphone my dad asked me again, "Have you ever thought about getting married already?". Instantly i said, "Ew!" then laughter started bursting in, "I dont think i'll ever get married" i added. My dad was surprised when he heard that, "Ow, dont say that". I continued with a smile, "No really, i already accepted the fact. For real."

After that, my dad said something about me watching Twilight & then my sister started bugging in claiming that i love Taylor Lautner, I said no i've always love Edward (NOT Pattinson)..and came along the word 'immortal' and 'dead'. Haha! in the end the conversation just went in every direction. hahah

But after that topic i took a deep breath, fighting the tears from coming out. Say what you will, its what i think is a fact. The only thing i can do is to accept it. If love happens, it happens..if not, at least i expected it. *smile

Title, 'Baby, Its fact' song from Hellogoodbye.

November 26, 2009

Live What You Learn

I got a text message from my sister yesterday & it says..

"In life you will realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet.
Some are there to test you,
Some will use you,
Some will teach you,
And some will bring out the best in you.
Some may cause you pain but you'll learn to move on..

Open your mind, read it then try to understand it in every level of thoughts, in every perspectives & in every opinions.
It makes you analyse every person in your life. It brings back the old memories, probably the ones you never want to remember or perhaps it just reminds you of those you've forgotten.

So let go of the people who cant treat you right
And hold on to those who love you & see your worth."

my point of view,
they made an absolute impact in my life but i dont regret meeting or learning from any of them. Learn from your mistake and you will never waste another second of your life shedding the same tears you shed before.

November 25, 2009

According To Me

Used to be a good thing,
now it's so gone, no
I never wanted no one so bad
You didn't give me no solution
So I just gave up the fight

Cos I'm done and you're the one
Yeah, you get to be my last disaster
I don't wanna make this mistake again
And I'm through with you
And you're not moving up any faster
I don't wanna wait for you to change
You'll always gonna stay untogether.

Song Untogether by Orianthi.

November 24, 2009

She Bakes!

This one's for you, Aesha.

Several reasons why I us:
we're friends for 5 years.
you know me as much as i know you.
we're always there for each other.
im the chocolate lover & you're my supplier. haha
we're like yin & yang :D

But mostly, i dont think i can ever survive without your homemade cooking. Especially after you drugged me the first time with your lasagna. its at first bite. HAHA.
And because of those reasons, i want you to never stop feeding me. *lmao

Ladies & Gents,
If you want to know whats the real ra-ta-too-ee's definition of cheese, i recommend you to go here & believe me, it's simply magic. *smiling

November 23, 2009

Are You Simple Or Real?

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

A simple friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why it took you so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens the refrigerator and helps herself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had fight.

A simple friend will say later.
A real friend will make the time for you now.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

I just feel like posting this. No hidden message really, i think. Even if there is, i wouldnt notice it myself.
Probably just this, "i was more of a Real Friend to most of my Simple Friends."

November 20, 2009

Little Red Girl With Red Envelope

Currently: staring at a red envelope sitting between me & the screen.
Feeling: undefined
Listening to: an old playlist. now its 'Heaven'(candlelight mix) by DJ Sammy.

Wow, as im writing this it's already 12am.
Yesterday was the last day of school & yes, i did go to school for the last time as a Form 4. Next year's going to have a whole lot more experience coming up. Im ready, i think. haha.
Yes-ter-day..hmm, i spent the whole day playing UNO speed with Aesha & Auni. Ok yeah, it's not the best last day of school but at least i got to spend time with my together..enjoyed being 2009's Form 4 batch..for the last time.

Oh god, the playlist just shuffled & change to the next song. Now, its 'You Took My Heart Away' by Michael Learns To Rock *grin.
Its the song that played on that day. I remember i cried, we all cried (except Aesha) while my fingers can barely held the pen. It was the 21st of February in 2007, a day before Abby's 14th Birthday. We were all 13 year-old teenage girls sitting on every corner of Husna's room writing a personal letter for ourselves when we turn 16. *smiling to the flashback
On 14th May 2009, i turned 16. Right now, im staring at a red envelope with a black sheet of paper inside it. The thought of reading the letter from 13 year-old me was sort of amusing. haha.
I got the letter from Husna yesterday. We promised not to read it until we get home, so yea by now i read it already. I know we're not supposed to copy, take picture of it or any sort of trick to safe the content of the letter. Conserve its originality. haha, cyeah.
But i cant help, i was curious to see my own expressions while i read it. So i recorded myself reading the letter. Sorry, Husna *big grin. haha. Erm, looking back in the video you can say i was a bit surprised myself. Little bit disappointed, i didnt get to finish writing it or even get to the best part because of the limited time we had that day.

Our new mission is to write a new letter. Adding in the past, present & future..make it more interesting & meaningful. This time we get to write it at our home, so there's plenty of time to think, write & correct it. But, we're not sure of when or what year we're 'sending' it to. I mean next year is the last year we all still together in the same place everyday. After that, who knows where we'll be. You know, the sky is the limit, after graduating Form 5 we' Some of us might go abroad & the chances of meeting each other again is very little. Oh no, im getting too far. i know. Anyhow, this letter is what will bring us back together. Only us in this present time can remind ourselves in the future of what we were, how much we've gone through & who has always been there for us throughout all this time.

& im going to start with reminding myself of what have made me the way I am today. cheers :)

November 19, 2009

What Are We Doing?

I have no idea, really.
It was a silent-argument, yea sure it was.
In the end we talked, we opened up to each other.
No denial there.
So why?
I know i told you i needed more time & that you shouldnt get your hopes up.
But that was before i figured there could be a better way.
Better than me taking alot more time, not realizing the space between us has grown wider than before.
So, why?
I called you back, the line disconnected halfway through your caller ringtone.
I dialled your number again, then i knew it myself by the second time it disconnected. You didnt want to answer it.
Everything could've been fine between us by now. Maybe not like before but at least the space stop growing.


You wanted us to talk. I called you before i even know you'd ask for a conversation. Im no psychic, probably because i just know when you've reach your emotional point. It just tells me to forget the ego for a while.
What happens if i didnt call? It doesnt matter now is it.
That night, probably determines what happens next.
I assured you im not ending this friendship.
You wanted 'us' back, except to me 'us' is like giving myself up to get hurt again. I cant pretend like you dont have a clue of how i feel about 'us'.
I wanted the pain to stop but not by hurting you. The only better way i could think of is for us to be less than besties, but more than friends.
Do you think we can be that? The phone rings but you left me hanging there without an answer.
Can you imagine that. One simple call for a talk at night could turn everything around, but one tone rings halfway through and then stop.says a million words.
As i put down the phone, i said to myself "i guess thats your answer then".

As days went by swiftly, i didnt give any respond to you after that night because i truly was speechless. Or maybe because i know you wouldnt even care to notice if i post something to you here.

Maybe this really is...i dont know, you fill the blank.

Thursday Afternoon

Currently: Enjoying every bite of Aki's lasagna. (oooyeah)
Feeling: cozy :)

Lasagna lasagna lasagna. hahah. I can say that million times even if i'd scare the hell out of all chefs in Italy..or is it France? Oh well.

Lets see, today is Thursday the 19th of November in 2009. Tomorrow's the last day of school! Cheers to all form 4! Next year we're seniors (crowd goes wooo!), we'll get our driving license (yeahh!) & then we have to face SPM (cricket chirps in the background). haha
Anyway, this year has been..great. Every year is awesome.
Despite this past few weeks filled with drama drama drama. Other seems pretty easy to get through.
Well, everyday is a new day.

November 18, 2009

Life Is A Story

Everyday in life is written long ago,
Life is like a story, we are characters in it, we have to play our role.
All days (like scene) is written ago so only thing we have to do is play part of our role,
Face each day with lot of patience and courage and think for better tomorrow.
At same time consider today as better than yesterday, and
Enjoy each and everyday, moment as it comes,
Tomorrow is like shining sun,
Today is like bright moon and
Yesterday was darken day.


Overloading Thoughts

Alone..what does it really mean anyway?
Aren't we all alone in this world? If not. Well, we should know that eventually we will be.
Everybody is on their own.

Being alone is not the same with being lonely.
You're alone, so yes of course you'll feel lonely.
Good news, you're not the only one who feels alone.
When everyone's alone, no one is.
Because everybody shares the same feelings, so we're not really alone.
Conclusion is..dont say you're too vulnerable for this world when there's alot more other vulnerable people still fighting to live their life more than you do.

P.S: My fingers just blindly type all the craps that pops out of my head. Dont crack your head trying to understand what i wrote here. Its from many theories into one ball of thought.

Warning! My thoughts are more complicated than puzzles.

I Give You..

nothing. haha.
Unless you're willing to trade, agree?

This year, tomorrow, today actually..all the best of lucks for you.
Next year, it'll be for me, my friends & all 2010 SPM candidates. *brr

To all 2009 SPM candidates, just do your very best in all papers & 'tawakal' to Allah.
Everything will be just fine, you can do it!

November 15, 2009

Pieces Of Me

You know the moment when you just want to relax, do something that helps to slow down the time around you. Cause you just need to reject every pressure & weight that has been on you for quite some time, all you need

I need that kind of space. I need silence & i dont want to respond to anything. So i did what i always do everytime i want to get away from problems, thoughts or people that screwing my mind. But only for a while. Either i overdosed my medicine (oh, chocolate) or experimenting photoshop.

Another piece of myself,

Combination of many pictures. From my hobbies to my favourite stuffs.
I'll just elaborate it, there's chocolate & cookies of course, i love to eat. Camera covered in honey, since my name is Hani & photography is what i love to do, but it cannot top my addiction in shopping. There's money in it too..duh, who doesnt love money. The big coin is my favourite thing actually, its a Japanese rice coin i got from my old friend. I wear it as a pendant on every outing. An ipod indicates that i never forget my music. Its my source of new perspectives. Next to it is, well, my lover, my phone. haha. you're the best i've ever had. Finally, my most favourite stations. Blogger, my own world to pour my overload thoughts out. DeviantArt, most reliable source to get new stocks for my experiment. YouTube, my backup when every shows on tv sucks. Last but never the least, Photoshop, i dont know what i'd do without you (actually, i do). haha. That's it then, my most favourite things.

Somewhere Down The Road, I Found A Key.

Before & After

November 14, 2009

My Point Of View

Be Independent.

Undefined Feelings.

Sometimes the only thing you can do to make them realize is by stop trying and leave.

Back to Basic

Was it torturing? Hell yeah. Finally, the internet bugs are dead. haha
First stop, downloading music. wohoo!

November 6, 2009

Simon says, "Im Bored"

A friend of mine requested a photomanipulation of hers. Truthfully, i havent done any photomanip before apart from retouching, coloring & itsy bitsy of reconstruct. Maybe i did some but im not sure if it was photomanipulating. haha. So i did some research to learn how to make it look at least a bit realistic. I dont want to disappoint her. Then, i made a little test on other photos, sprinkled abit of a'nixie dust. hahah. So, tadaa!

November 5, 2009

Dont Be Shallow

You know what's more disappointing than not be able to brush away all jerks in this world? Knowing that there are still idiots wandering around mocking people who's better than them.

Like today, two boys were mocking Aesha & I when they heard us speaking in English. Seriously, guys..its childish & makes you look stupider than ever. hahah.
It wasnt the first time though. I remember the first was a few months ago, a boy said to me, "Kita kan orang Malaysia, cakap la Bahasa Melayu". HAHA. Still funny till now.
I mean c'mon boys, if its the matter of 'lupa diri' i honestly say i know where i stand & sane enough to know who i am. I most definitely have no intention to be proud or showing off for that matter. English just comes naturally & i love it because it brings out every meaning in my words more powerful.
But if its the matter of jealousy? That, i cant help. Just because i have friends to chat in English & you dont, doesnt mean you could mock us. Its disrespectful & because of that you dont deserve my respect. At least, my friends are brave & not ashamed to speak English even if its not fluently.

I know most malays are holding in their tongue when they could've speak English fluently. I'll tell you why, their so called 'friends' are not supportive. Either they couldnt speak English or they're too scared to make mistakes. So everytime any of the member in the group try to speak, they mock them, saying that he/she is showing off. It makes me so frustrated. Just because you dont want to speak English, doesnt mean you can tell others that they cant.

On the bright side, its sort of flattering if you see it in a new perspective. Somehow it makes you feel like they're mocking you is a minor thing because they care to even talk about you when you couldnt care less to vomit a word about them. We have brain & education, use it.

November 2, 2009

You were gone

So just be gone.
Why are you still here?
I thought i've thrown you far away,
And you seemed like you dont care.

I pushed you, pushed you hard,
Why do you keep coming back?
You were out of my life,
Now, you're in my dreams.

Go away, just go and leave me,
I dont want to remember you,
I dont want to care anymore.

Leave, just leave and dont come back.
For you have done enough to make me realize,
Realize about the truth behind every faces.

Written for you, Z.

October 31, 2009


An apple a day keeps the doctor away. cyeah rite, its Halloween! stuffed yourself with free candies. screw the fruit if the doctor is cute.
"Happy Halloween everyone... It's my grandad's birthday so I'm back in Bolton haha it's funny, I forgot how small my bed was...My feet are out" - Danny, 31 Oct from Tweetie.

October 26, 2009

What If..

Sequel to 'Temporary Insanity'. This is the elaboration of my BIG question i asked to 'the world' & also an answer i got from one of the viewer that i think is the top among all. If you noticed that i forgot to include what's the BIG question was, i dont. I'd like to keep it between me and 'the world'. hahah

Elaboration: "i know most of the answers will be "stop chasing dream & go back to reality". i was in reality n even swore to myself i'll never find the one cause to me there are no men in this world, only boys. That is until i found this one singer and got head over heels with his originality. He's the only one i find..unique. its like the quote, "seek and you shall find". what if i've already found him, but he's miles away."- Me

Answer: "Listen to me when i say this: I know what it's like because i was in that EXACT situation. I fell in love with the singer in a band, and i knew he was the one for me. The problem was that i didn't know him. I know you aren't going to listen to me when i say this, because i wouldn't have listened either, but anyways...He isn't the one. There are others out there. You don't know him. As much as you know about him, as much as you think you know him, you don't. You don't know him. You don't know what he does behind closed doors. You don't know how he treats people. What you see isn't really him. it's Hollywood, and everything they do. Trust me, it's a bad situation to be in. You'll eventually realize that. I was "in love" with this guy for way too long, and then when i realized what he really was i was crushed. Everything i thought i'd been in love with was a complete lie. Now, everything is okay. It's been a year since i had my realization, and i know that the whole obsession was stupid. I'm really glad i'm over it. Now i really like this boy who goes to my school. It's a million times better, because he's real and right here. You don't have to go online or to the tv to see him. He's just there. My advice to you is to enjoy his music but try your best not to get too caught up in it, because as much as you feel like you know him, you really don't. Most likely you'll realize that eventually, if you don't now. I just hope it won't be too hard when you do. Good luck. I hope everything works out." -Anonymous

aaand there it is, the ugly truth. I already knew the result, the little voice made me do it.
Who am i kidding, a 16 year old teenager who cant even drive without getting lost, wishing to be with a popular 23 year old unique-musician-psycho-maniac-cute-idiotic..son of a dork. HAHA. Fine, at least he proved to me that there is someone original enough to impress me.
Truthfully says, this isnt the first time this kind of 'love' hits me (but the first after i changed personality). Im professionally trained for any kind of 'bumper' ahead. haha. Therefore, back to my previous state then! Thanks for listening/reading ;)

October 21, 2009

Temporary Insanity

Cyeahh, im head over flip flops over head for McFly.
Prove? One, i asked the world for their opinions on my feeling towards the lead singer. Planning on posting the best answer i got from the viewer. You'll think im crazy but hey, i dont care.
Two, couldnt stop myself from surfing more info about them & not to mention countless videos of McFly watched on YouTube.
Three, i made Twitter account just to follow the band's most latest updates.
Now, to me creating another account apart from how-many-webs i've already joined is a big deal. Cause i dont care about getting any feedback from strangers. So what's the point of creating another profile for others to check on me when im not even interested, right? urgh! So you get the point where i've no will power to endure them. Of course, since they're the only reason i created my twitter, i've no interest on following other people apart from McFly & other celebrities. sigh*

Letter Three


If i could just pour my heart out and let you see the answers to all the questions, i would. But it seems like you couldnt care less to even notice this.
So why continue right? I guess for you, "us" just not worth to fight for, huh?
If that's how you feel then i'll just go with it.

October 17, 2009

Left Hip Blue, You Idiot.

So there’s this guy. Physically he looks mature enough but mentally he’s still a boy. He never ashamed of himself & don’t even care what others might think of him. Not to mention when him being silly is always entertaining (haha).
Best feature, his smile. He loves to make people laugh, makes me smile even when he’s not trying. He’s very open-minded..perhaps too open (hahah) & supporting. He always joke around, crazy even (wouldn’t miss that) but it surprises me when he too knows when to be serious. Hardly sweet-talking but very caring in his own way. It’s funny, he might looks tough in public eyes, but he’s as tame as a cat with his close ones. He can focus on my voice even though I’m not the only calling his name. He’s very unique & definitely my one of a kind. Most importantly, he knows his priority. Not to forget, the common reasons..he’s loyal & considerate. On top of all, I’m part of his life.

So there’s this list. A list of ‘why I hate him’. Couldn’t think of anything really. Maybe cause the lucky number one says it all. *drumming*
1. ‘He’ does not exist. (not really)

How can I say this. Umm, chyeah well..only one person I could think of when I wrote this. Believe me, not a second of every word i could stop myself from smiling. God! what have I got myself into.

October 9, 2009

Letter Two

Picture me reading this to you.

Be fair.That's what they said after giving some thoughts about a question. The same one i asked you.
Remember it? About a boy and a girl.
They both claim to be each other's besties. But somehow, she doesnt feel like the first among all his girlfriends. Definitely different than how she makes him feel like he's number one among all her boyfriends. Does that look fair to you?
Tell me, dear. Do you remember what was your answer?
You said, you know how that feels like and you reminded me with one of your past. Then, you said..the girl should've treat him the same way he treats her.

I asked you, "really?" and you said, "yes".
I looked at you at that moment and tried to imagine what would your answer be if only you knew that question was based on us.


October 7, 2009

That Girl by McFly

Danny Jones makes me smile & bit my lips for no reason :b

October 6, 2009

Letter One

Dear Bestie,
Im posting this just for you.
Couldnt say it right in your face, couldnt text it or even talk about it to you.
Because im scared, scared you'll run away and try to hide from it.
Just like you always do when there's a problem away.

Yes, there's a problem.
If you're wondering why we've been apart lately that's because there is something wrong and i need you to know that.
That's all, for now.