February 28, 2010

I've changed, I know.

I've been hurt enough that i had to.

Instant Quote: 'You don't know me. You never did, and you never will.' - Supernatural

Here's What Really Happened

It all started like this,


In the end, we might not be bestfriends anymore, but we're still friends.
She craves attention from others as if mine was not enough for her.
I left, accepting the fact that i'll never be enough for her.
With hope someday she'll find somebody worth a thousand spotlight.

Im not here to impress you

One Day

Pride And Prejudice

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
Elizabeth: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
Elizabeth: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
Elizabeth: Well let me think...”Lizzie" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and...”Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
Elizabeth: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
Mr. Darcy: Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy? Mrs. Darcy...Mrs. Darcy...Mrs. Darcy...Mrs. Darcy...

February 25, 2010

February 24, 2010

I'm too good to play with love

I can relate so many new songs that i'm currently in love with. Unfortunately it's midnight and i've got homework to do. Thinking i'll update this later with more elaboration about each song. Anyhow, the songs are:-
Casanova by Esmee Denters feat Justin Timberlake
One Time by Justin Bieber
Terrified by Katharine Mcphee
White Horse by Taylor Swift
Careful With Words by Aly & AJ.

February 21, 2010

Personal Journal

My life is a journal. i'm the main character and everyone i meet are minor characters. They may come and go, but my journal continues as long as i live.

Im not alone but im on my own

I write, i type every words i think is proper, acceptable to show the meaning and at least decent enough to make it sound exactly the same like how you'd hear it coming out of my mouth. Because words can be said in any kind of tone. A person can judge the emotion of another by it's tone of voice and let me tell you something. All this time, my tone in every word in every entry i've wrote here is the same tone i use only when im calm. Calm enough to let it all flow out of my mind, whatever was buried or patched for a moment before.

Before i wrote this i told myself, i want to write whatever comes out of my mind. Doesn't matter what emotion i'm in, doesn't give a damn if those word seems unfair, critism, inconsiderate, selfish or even rebellious to some human. Cause that's exactly how i feel, exactly what im thinking at that moment. I know it'll be far more meaningful when i read back in the future because i'll know how i felt when i wrote it. I know my own tone when i read my writings, i myself, no one else could ever know myself better than i do. No one else.

That is why i always say i don't like shallow judgemental people. They don't know me, i don't know them and none of us could ever know better than ourselves.
They judge their caracters, their acts, their words. Labels, labels, labels.
As if they know everything, as if they always right, well guess what?
If we judge them back they'll say, "who do you think you are? you dont know me."
Well, you dont know me either so mind your own bussiness and don't label people.
Cause we're all born the same way, live, laugh, love the same way, die and goes back to ground too.
So humans, ask yourself what makes you think you're better than others?

P.S: do take note of this, the last paragraph is not personal matter or whatsoever. it's the same thing i see in every person i meet, i care because this topic is tagged in my mind. Even a simple story i hear from people my brain automatically takes me to this matter.
It's uncontrollable, it's my mind thinking in general.

February 20, 2010

Left Right Left Right

Went out last Tuesday. I got my military blazer! yeay! my eyes didn't stop lingered through every clothes. The urge to buy them was just too much to ignore. Its was so tempting, imagine if all the clothes have mouth and eyes, they'd be calling out my name "Hani, Hani..come n' get me". hahah
But i could've not been more happier after i found the blazer i wanted so much. Thats the only reason i can control myself not to buy the most cutest blouse i've ever seen. shakes head*
Next time Hani, next time. sigh*

Here's a funny story, back home while trying it out with every shirts and dresses i coincidently found, my sister's old blazer which was given to me. I totally forgot about it and truth be told, *whispering* i like that one better. HAHA!
Shhh, dont tell the military blazer ;p

From left, the military blazer and my sister's. which one's your pick?

February 19, 2010

February 17, 2010

Not Judgemental.

I recently rung up a young boy and his mother. When he saw me at the register, wearing a hijab, he grinned broadly at me. As they were walking away afterwards, he tugged on his mom's sleeve and said,

"Did you see her, ma? She's gorgeous! I bet that's why she's all covered up."

He gives me hope.


February 15, 2010


new high heels
just kidding. no way im wasting money on this.

ulala :)

military blazer/jacket

no one is officially a girl without a little black dress of her own.


i know it's a long shot. love you Michael.

February 14, 2010

You're not sorry

I miss you so much it hurts

Just got 'This Is It' movie from my brother. It feels almost like Michael Jackson never left, until finally i remembered he did.

Watching him moving on stage with his boney figure, it hurts thinking "How can nobody see how painful he was on that stage?". He couldn't even reach the same note when he screamed like he did in every song. Thriller, Earth Song, Bad, Dirty Diana, and his other priceless priceless priceless masterpiece.

If i was there when he's still breathing, i'd take him home and feed him till he loves cake more than those freaking pills. Dang you stupid pills, you took away the only legend i love.

Our One And Only, Michael.

Him: Annie are you okay? So, Annie are you okay? Are you okay Annie?
Me: No, Im not okay. How can I be okay knowing the fact you're not breathing anymore, MJ.

February 9, 2010


Since now the clock on the bottom right side of my computer states it is 12.37am i guess that makes this story is yesterday's.

Today, was awful.
I woke up at 6.25am still sleepy as always. Didn't get much sleep as always. Wish i could just freeze the time and get more rest for my aching body from the cross country, as always.
Went to school thinking about how am i going to get over Chocolate boy. Thinking that it's better now than after the truth gets stuck in my head since i wasn't sure of what kind of that special bond they're having.
Trying to avoid everything about him all day. His walk, the smile, that body language, his eyes..shakes head*
But, in every image of him in my head i can't crop her out. She's in every shoot i take of Chocolate boy.
Half of the day's almost over and i think i did a pretty good job ignoring him for today.
And as i was walking down the stairs, Syasya blurted out those words over and over again, "Chocolate's with her. O my God, he's with her. I can't believe it, he couples with her."
Cyeah, that sure made my day even better. The only two words that came out of my mouth were, "I know".

Today, was great.
My mother woke me up with her soothing voice, sweetly persuades me to get up and get ready for school. Works everytime. Enduring the tiredness and laziness, i got myself up and ready.
In class, we got our exam papers back with our grades marked with the same red ink pen i've seen in my whole life schooling. My marks weren't great but they're decent. Decent enough to not fail and sort of made me relieved cause i know i did my best.

Regina, my classmate, my horny friend.
We got really high today in class. Made up horny jokes and laughed like two crazy maniacs when others don't get a word we were talking about. haha
She then started threat me and Auni with her animatic facial expressions saying she'll walk back home with us since my house and Auni's is only a few feets away. That she wants to take Auni's new touchscreen phone and my dad's guitar plus the amplifier.
We literally ran away and hide from her when school finished. haha
Back home i fell asleep with the tv on downstairs when suddenly the phone rang and jerked me up.
Teena called asking me to open the door. Changed my clothes, went streaming down, took a peek at the window and saw four blue shirt girls standing in front of my gate.
Regina, Teena, Auni and Husna. hahaha

Truly was a pleasant surprise to have them crashing my house. Especially with Regina joining in, i hesitated to open the gate. hahah
Inside, i served them with the brownies Auni bought and plain water (i didn't know they were coming).
Regina was being 'jakun' and constantly saying, "Omg, thats the guitar. omg u ada senapang (my grandad's, totally safe and just for display). What is that thing?".
She and i had a couple wrestling matches when she took my phone and didn't want to give it back.
I sat on her, crushing her into the couch with my back pressuring her till her face turned red but i still didn't manage to win my phone back. hahah
Even after they were getting out to go back home she still refused to give it back until the last round of wrestling. I won. haha
Definitely. Best. Day. Since. New Year.

Photo of the day.
Wouldn't stop carves smile on my face.

February 7, 2010


To love is to be vulnerable. Did i ever mention i dont like when im vulnerable? it weakens me.

now i know what’s this wall of bricks are here for.

Music Overdosed

Currently in love with several songs.

Speechless by Lady Gaga

and i know that it's complicated
but i'm a loser in love so baby,
raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends

i'll never talk again
oh boy you've left me speechless
you've left me speechless,
so speechless
and i'll never love again,
oh friend you've left me speechless
you've left me speechless,
so speechless

Mess I Made by Parachute

I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For my hearts mistakes

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
I'm staring at the mess I made
I'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

Half of My Heart by John Mayer

I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else
made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came
showing me another way and all that my love can bring

oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
half of my heart takes time
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
that I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you)
oh with half of my heart

I'm 72.8% water

The person you love is 72.8% water

What a day. my school held a cross country today. Like almost every year, i took part in it. but unlike other years, today i walked/jogged from the start with my bestfriend, Auni. By the end of the race my face burned except the region around my eyes maybe cause i didn't put sunblock on my eyelids. I looked like a tomato. haha
They were selling fruity ice blended this year. The mango flavor was delicious! i bought it twice. The second cup i tried lychee with dragon fruit flavor but then i gave it to Teena. yuck! sorry.
I guess i should admit i bought it 3 times cause i was drepressed. Husna came to us with Irsyad and she told me something. She said, she thinks its true, Chocolate boy hooked up with Marshmellow girl. haha
I love giving names, not for bad mouthing them. Just so those busybody people wouldn't know who i'm talking about.
She's cute, i agree. That news really turned off my mood today. Not cause im jealous, okay, fine..maybe i am. but mostly because that same feeling i was having, was exactly the same one i had in the past couple years. Disappointment. i was frustrated because i let myself feel that way again.
Anyhow, its just a rumour. He said he doesn't want any relationship, if the 'rumour' is true i guess he changed his mind. She does look really 'manja' or clingy, you know..acts like a new couple.
After the event, tae-kwan-do club had to stay for demo practice. I stayed but i didn't kick or punch, i just sat at the corner. Watching Husna, Teena, Shaffrul, Adzram, Luqman..and him practicing their kicks and punches. Its tiring..i think all, i mean every girl is tired of being invisible to their crush. But what to do? We're made to be shy and complicated.

"And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
She’s never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible"

'Invisible' by Taylor Swift

February 6, 2010

100th Entry

Yey! 100th entry for my first blog ever!

now what? haha
i wanna make it special but i've no idea.
oh, why dont i just post this recent favourite pictures i found.


Little Red Riding Hood

Oh, i can't wait for the upcoming movie Alice In Wonderland.