November 19, 2009

What Are We Doing?

I have no idea, really.
It was a silent-argument, yea sure it was.
In the end we talked, we opened up to each other.
No denial there.
So why?
I know i told you i needed more time & that you shouldnt get your hopes up.
But that was before i figured there could be a better way.
Better than me taking alot more time, not realizing the space between us has grown wider than before.
So, why?
I called you back, the line disconnected halfway through your caller ringtone.
I dialled your number again, then i knew it myself by the second time it disconnected. You didnt want to answer it.
Everything could've been fine between us by now. Maybe not like before but at least the space stop growing.


You wanted us to talk. I called you before i even know you'd ask for a conversation. Im no psychic, probably because i just know when you've reach your emotional point. It just tells me to forget the ego for a while.
What happens if i didnt call? It doesnt matter now is it.
That night, probably determines what happens next.
I assured you im not ending this friendship.
You wanted 'us' back, except to me 'us' is like giving myself up to get hurt again. I cant pretend like you dont have a clue of how i feel about 'us'.
I wanted the pain to stop but not by hurting you. The only better way i could think of is for us to be less than besties, but more than friends.
Do you think we can be that? The phone rings but you left me hanging there without an answer.
Can you imagine that. One simple call for a talk at night could turn everything around, but one tone rings halfway through and then stop.says a million words.
As i put down the phone, i said to myself "i guess thats your answer then".

As days went by swiftly, i didnt give any respond to you after that night because i truly was speechless. Or maybe because i know you wouldnt even care to notice if i post something to you here.

Maybe this really is...i dont know, you fill the blank.