December 10, 2009

Just For You, Bestie.

To, 'you-know-who-you-are'
you remind me a lot about that pain i got as a gift from Z.
The one i injected pain killer to make it numb.
yeah, you do. Its one of the reason i have to stop caring about you.
Hard & harsh, but i have to or i'll corrupt.

I see you gain your smile back, with little help from your family & friends.
But i also see you easily forgetting me little by little.
I dont blame you, we both got hurt.
I admit, its not easy to not care anymore.
Its not easy to endure the pain as well.

What is this game we're playing?
What kind of idiot invented it? Its like we're bound to play in it.
you gave me pain, I reached my limit & make a move,
you tend not to care, and so i go with the flow.
Is this the end? but who won? and what's the prize?

Come close, i want to tell you a little secret.
I still care, still follow what you wrote in your domain.
But it doesn't feel right. Just like when i still care to see Z's little update in his page.
what did i do to make it feel right? i stop caring instantly.
Erased everything that link to him & i never search for his page again.
Should i do that to you?
Do i have to cancel your name in every list to make me determine in this 'not caring' attitude that you're so good at. maybe.
Something tells me that you'll cancel my name first by the second you read this. (if, you are reading this)

Wow, jealousy is a strong word to describe that feeling when i see you with your BFFs in that picture on that special day.
Im not in it of course. The worst part is that it seems like you dont even care im not there.
Again, i dont blame you.
In fact, i think of it as a good thing. I truly care for you so much that im glad you're happy without me & that you're in good hands.
For that, i accept my decision letting you go.