I'm in loooove. Nothing big, really.

I'll save the time by answering the big question. Who?
It's Kevin Wu also known as Kevjumba. He's Youtube famous. I'm addicted to his videos. And for obvious reason (if you're my friend you'd know this), I'm a sucker for asian/korean/chinese face. Not the nerdy "Apek" kind of chinese face, God, NO. The cute nerdy kind, you know. I just love that adorable squinty eyes. The kind that appears innocent, naive and nerdy but acts like a skaterboy or just casually cool, plus their cool open-minded common sense and their sense of humor. It's just. It gets me all the time, I can't help it okay. *sigh


So anyway, what I love about him based on these past few days of drooling *cough* adoring his videos, there are plenty qualities of him that caught my attention.
He's not an A-list celebrity, not a professional dancer or entertainer, not a genius, not a billionaire, he doesn't have that perfect skin nor a perfect face structure, not a full-time hottie like Zac Efron. BUT..
He started off as this chinese guy making these videos in his room, looking so cute talking like he doesn't even care what anyone would respond.
He can dance, not that great but he can dance or shuffle.
He's pretty smart, just a hunch. He keeps mentioning it's essential to get good grades when you're asian.
He's a family guy. What can I say, girls love guys who love his family. He includes his dad Michael Wu or Papa Jumba in some of his videos. They're originally just funny together.
He confessed he is momma's boy. So cute.
He has grown now, 21 year old (3 years older), taller, tougher, hair's longer..basically, he's turning into a hottie. 
He have another channel on Youtube for charity called JumbaFund. I think he have such a big heart to give back.
He knows his limit, he doesn't curse too much, he doesn't like incoherent songs. But I doubt he doesn't listen to them.


He's this and that. He's isn't perfect, nor is he has everything checks on my list of "My Man". But I just love him for who he is, his flaws and strongsuits, they're Kevin and I love everything that I know about him at this moment.

I can continue with other things from why I'm feeling hurt from this crushing on someone who doesn't even know I exist, to my random emotional seasons or something totally random. But I'll stop here, so, goodnight.


Goodnight Kevin Wu :)

Time is tearing me apart piece by piece

I’m not a fan of changes. I could deal with it for some cases but when the hard one comes, a little bit of my youth is destroyed. Ever since the death of my late Grandfather, it traumatizes me to think of not being able to say my goodbyes to those who matters in my life before it’s too late, just like how I didn’t get chance to say goodbye to my grandfather.. I wanted to tell him how much I love him, how I wish I could’ve learn more from him while he was alive. I wanted to be there holding his hands, telling him it’ll be alright before the surgery and after surgery, I’d whisper to his ear that it’s all over and that he could open his eyes..

The least I ask is a chance to see him while he’s still breathing.

My grandma’s going ‘Umrah’ again this July. I wanted to say I love her, I do, but why wouldn’t it come out. That wonders me..

I’m so hurt, so much had happened and sometimes when it hurts too bad there’s a part of me shuts off. The part that helps me to convey my joyful, cheerful side. But no more, I’m no longer functioning the way I used to. Sadly, I couldn’t find the reasons to regain myself and beat this gloomy version of myself. I’m too damaged and my cures are all scattered, everything fell apart. I have this scars and wounds that wouldn’t heal, the little demons keep lingers around it to never let me escape from this miserable thoughts.

What else can I do?

The damaging completed when I was sent to UiTM Seri Iskandar, Perak. Over there I learned more how to be selfish to survive and get things done more I learned how to live.

I need to get the control over my life back. But everything that used to give me the strength to move on, everything is either gone, got lost or has changed. To find another seems impossible, what I had was irreplaceable, they were too good, almost the best among all throughout my years of discovering and selecting. But they’ve changed, and so do I.

I used to wonder how adults became adults, not physically but mentally. How could they forget how it was like when they were kids and teenagers. The sense of humor, the joy of fooling around and the free thinking, freedom of imagining and never have to fear of making mistakes nor regret anything.  How could they just forget those? Our source of happiness and the reason we wake up smiling.

But now I know why, I hate growing up but this is life. But the little me made a promise, even if she’s grown , became successful and being one person that others can count on and look up to, she’ll never forget how it feels like to be that wise little girl she was. And I think that’s one strong reason I can hold on to and the only reason that could keep me from losing myself. 

I'm a dreamer.

I am obsessed with Tumblr! It's like my source of living. Words can't express how I feel, let alone need it. It's like, when you love something so much you want everyone to know but you'd hate it if couple strangers try to join in (especially if they're so closed and shallow minded people).


Tumblr is a place of art, beauty in every possible way. It gives you feelings of experiencing life in an honest, truthful way. It shows you the truths, opens your eyes, widens your perspectives, make you laugh, cry, smile, hope and even joy. Tumblr is a place for dreamers like me.


I'm even thinking of buying an ipad or iphone just for Tumblr.
But right now, honestly, I've been infected with shopaholic virus. I'm feeling greedy and I crave for things, ALOT of things at once. If I'm a freakin big fat billionaire, just in a blink of an eye I'd have spend a million in a day. At least half a million, maybe a quarter. That's why for now, I dream BIG.