May 9, 2010

I've figured it all out

I love figuring things out. I study people and from my observation i figure them out, also from everything that happens to me. I've figured it out. I don't exactly know what but i know i've figured it out. My mind is semiclear but i can't be sure of what that thing is that i've solved.

First, i felt this while i was watching American Idol result show. It's when Lee said something about getting overconfidence. "It's true, i criticize myself the worst" from there, a branch of thought came out and it sounds something like, "Even when i did great like what everybody said, it's still not good enough to me." Conclusion, that is what keeps him go harder and harder on himself, that's why he keeps getting better. He works hard because he thinks he's still not good enough.
To me, that's one way to be success effectively.

Next, i have figured out all the roads i can take to build myself a future in every way, in every lifestyle i can think of that is possible for someone like me to go through. There's so many but none of it is vivid. The bad side is that every possible road changes me. Might even shape me into someone i don't even like, or someone i never thought i'd ever be. But all the roads lead me to become a success and independent woman that i long to be, whether i'm happy or not. But whatever i do, whereever, whenever, whoever i become, happiness is part of it. Even if i fall in the gutter, i'd lift my head up and watch the stars beautify the midnight sky. I can feel the spark of happiness only by feeling the sun shines down on me. Because i know i live.

About those roads, i'll get to it later. So much to think, so much to write, so little time.

I always do this, somehow it brings a pinch of joy and a little chuckle to my empty soul when i see the sun shines through my finger.