March 30, 2010

Tough Cookie

"We go days without having a meaningful conversation, and i use to miss you so much when that happened, but it never seemed like you missed me. And i guess because of it, i stopped missing you."

I've said this before, when caring hurts i tend to stop. Lately it's been hard for me eversince i realized im losing yet another friend of mine which i also thought would be one of those people who'll stay close to me longer than anybody else. I was wrong, again, i stand corrected by a slight punch of reality on the face.
This is the second time one of my bestfriend act as a disappointment to me. But this time, it opened the path to the light where i make my decision that i have no one to wait anymore.

Therefore, total independence seemed like the only choice i have left for myself. It's true though, being ignored or left out from certain important people in your life does make an impact to your journey for the future. Whether you bring along some company or walk by yourself and not looking back to wait for anyone.

Many say, high school is the best period in your lifetime but i can't wait to get out of there. Same shit, different day. I see teachers who i couldn't remember their names, i see my not-so-lifelong friends, and most of all i see assholes inhabiting the school. They're more likely the opposite of the 'apple of my eyes'.

Looking at the bright side through my glasses, i had it all figured out. It's funny everytime my friendship ends, it must be somewhat connected to phonecalls.
After she called for her request, i said im fine with what she wanted. After awhile a little voice ringed, "That's one way for her to say she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore." Im good. But i feel used.

Imagine you're a book and someone finally checked you out of the library out of a million books. Imagine the feeling after they've read you, noted what's contained under those layers of skin or page, and finally after they've learned enough they throw you away as if they've sucked every skill and information out of you and that you're no use to them anymore. That's how i feel, being used.

But it wasn't that hard for me to move on. Im a tough cookie. The only relevant thing to do is looking at the bright side, "At least now i don't have to wait for anyone to catch up with me anymore."